Fatherhood in your 60s.... (2024)

Re: Fatherhood in your 60s....

Maxwell#35624311/26/07 08:18 AM

I agree with you, 43 should be the cut off - for both men AND women. Men may have more free time, but the sad fact is that women outlive men most of the time, and you don't want to be stuck with a kid all on your own.

I mean, my dad had 3 heart attacks before he was even 50, and any one of those could have killed him because they were pretty bad. Imagine going through your husband's major medical problems while trying to nurse the baby.

Re: Fatherhood in your 60s....

lngilbert#35627811/26/07 11:54 AM

I think it's really selfish. The parents are thinking about what THEY want, not what's best for the child. They know going in that the father won't be around, or won't be healthy to really spend quality time with the child throughout it's entire childhood. I think rich or famous people do this sometimes, and it probably works out better than it does for the average person because although their parent may not be around for them, they can hire a good nanny to help with the child if the mother becomes a widower. Not ideal, but at least there are options. I'm thinking of David Letterman.

This is an interesting topic since we visited my DH's sister and BIL this weekend. BIL is morbidly obese, and his youngest is 8. He's 53. He literally looks like he could have a heart attack at any time. I think people should just accept when they are too old, and find something else to do. His sister and BIL already had one child, but I guess they wanted another. He will be 60 before his son graduates high school. I just think that's too old.

I think it would be awful to be really young and have to deal with your parents dying. That's a major blow. I can't imagine.

Re: Fatherhood in your 60s....

happytobechildfree#35628911/26/07 12:41 PM

Hey there Happy! Haven't seen your name come up in a while. Hope things are going well with the relocation.

Hi to everyone else too!

This discussion has brought up another recent revelation I've had regarding our ages (38/51), which someone mentioned here...that there's a chance I could be denied the option of adoption due to our ages. Not that I've ever seriously considered adoption (I'm not passionate enough about parenting to want to do that), but at least it was something I held in the back my mind as an option in this decision. A lot of times people say, "Oh, if you can't have a child of your own, or you wait too long, you can always adopt anytime." But it sounds like that's not really accurate. And if they didn't deny me for that, they'd probably see a whiskey bottle in my pantry or something anyway.

I did read recently that I think it's Russia made a lot strict rules about foreign adoption, like you have to be under a certain age and weight, and other countries are tightening up their rules too. I was a bit sad to realize I wouldn't even be allowed to adopt someone if that's what I wanted to do. (But I don't, so I'm not that sad).

Re: Fatherhood in your 60s....

flyingaway#35629111/26/07 12:56 PM

Hi Frieda! I never thought about what you said before - that older couples could be denied the right to adopt. I know some folks that have adopted, and I know the process is really brutal. So it wouldn't surprise me at all if they denied an adoption based on someone's age. One of the couples I know that adopted said they went back like 15-20 years, and asked her about an underage drinking incident! But I'm glad like you said that you aren't that disappointed.

I know we've said it before on this forum, but it's so true - any moron can give birth to their own child, but if you want to adopt, you have to jump through hoops, be financially viable, have an impeccable record, etc.

Re: Fatherhood in your 60s....

happytobechildfree#35629811/26/07 01:18 PM

Re: Fatherhood in your 60s....

lngilbert#35630211/26/07 01:28 PM

Ingilbert: I'm not offended - I think it's weird, too. And the thing that freaks me out the most about kids is that they pick up EVERYTHING. If their Dad has an eating disorder, you can bet they might become anorexic, or overeat themselves. Their older daughter is going on 11, and I have said, and I hope I'm wrong, that I could see her developing an eating disorder b/c her Dad is so gigantic.

I agree that you should have your own stuff worked out before you procreate. Because you just pass it on to your children, and it isn't good. I think he "teaches" them good eating habits, but it's do as I say, not as I do.

I think it's harder to take care of yourself, obviously, when you have kids. Then why don't people just have one instead of two? They are also constantly getting money from their inlaws because they don't live within their means. I definitely pick up on a vibe that BIL thinks he's superior to us b/c he has kids. And he's constantly going on about how wonderful they are - BORING! And they ARE good kids. But how much more mature is he if he can't even manage his finances, or his weight? That's part of being an adult, isn't it? Having self control, and not buying things you can't afford?

It pushes my buttons b/c, and I know I'm not alone here, I'm sick of everything in every family revolving around kids. The same thing with my family - everyone has to bend over backwards to help the parents. Why, why, why? I think it's b/c it makes the grandparents feel good, but it's just really annoying. There's a whole world out there that has nothing to do with Boring kids.

Re: Fatherhood in your 60s....

happytobechildfree#35642011/26/07 11:31 PM

Australia

Adoption is difficult in Australia too - a baby is almost impossible - it's easier if you're prepared to take an older child or one with problems. One of my colleagues adopted a 7 year old - parents deceased and no other living or interested family. They had real problems initially - but after a couple of rocky years they're getting on top of things.
One of my single friend's fosters a 12 year old boy - you have to be assessed as suitable along with your home but it's much easier than adoption. My friend has him every weekend - the child's father is deceased and the mother has a depressive illness. Often kids that are fostered out end up being adopted - sometimes, by their carers.

Re: Fatherhood in your 60s....

Maxwell#38933603/08/08 10:27 AM

Australia

Re: Fatherhood in your 60s....

Maxwell#38934203/08/08 10:44 AM

Texas

Re: Fatherhood in your 60s....

TresstheFool#38946503/08/08 01:59 PM

The flip side of this is that some older folks make better parents. I know too many young parents who had their children for selfish reasons and are terrible parents. When I was a child my folks were a few years older than most of my classmates parents. Even though I was a kid, I could really see a difference between my life- parents always presented a united front, early bedtime, being made to feel that I was the most important thing to them- and so many of me friend's lives. Their parents were caught up in their own dramas with boyfriends and cheating spouses and didn't provide much structure.

I had two friends, though, whose parents were unusually older. The moms were in their forties and the dads were in their sixties when we were in elementary school. To me these families were ideal. While my parents were too involved with my life (mom never gave me room to grow up) these parents' raison d'etre wasn't parenting. They had their lives defined already, and then added children. They had the relaxed attitude of grandparents in that, for instance, they knew there was no reason to fight over what the kids wanted to wear. There was love and structure, but they let the children be their own people.

These folks were in good health, though. I think that would be the main dealbreaker. I've seen these dads recently. They both look at least 10years younger than they really are and are still in great health- able to be actively involved with their young grandchildren.